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Le brave ragazze non fanno carriera: 101 errori che le donne fanno sul lavoro

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Non è certo un mistero che milioni di donne lavoratrici siano sotto pagate, lavorino tanto e non vengano apprezzate per il loro reale valore. Sebbene sia vero che una parte del problema risiede nell'atteggiamento della società, l'autentico nodo da sciogliere è nel comportamento delle donne stesse. Fin dall'infanzia, alle ragazze è stato insegnato che il loro benessere e il Non è certo un mistero che milioni di donne lavoratrici siano sotto pagate, lavorino tanto e non vengano apprezzate per il loro reale valore. Sebbene sia vero che una parte del problema risiede nell'atteggiamento della società, l'autentico nodo da sciogliere è nel comportamento delle donne stesse. Fin dall'infanzia, alle ragazze è stato insegnato che il loro benessere e il loro successo dipendevano dal comportarsi in un certo modo: essendo cioè gentili, accondiscendenti, attente ad avere delle buone relazioni interpersonali. Qualunque altro atteggiamento viene giudicato come aggressivo, poco femminile o isterico. Questo libro è dunque un must per le donne che lavorano perché svela i loro 101 errori più comuni.

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30 review for Le brave ragazze non fanno carriera: 101 errori che le donne fanno sul lavoro

  1. 5 out of 5

    Laurie

    This book had some useful advice, although I think it was over-generalized and really meant for women working at large "corporate America" type companies. As a female who just recently started a career at a small (but very successful) family-owned business, I don't feel like all of these rules necessarily apply to my situation. But I had larger issues with this book. First, I found that the author seems to use men's behavior as the standard for how the workplace should function. She frequently s This book had some useful advice, although I think it was over-generalized and really meant for women working at large "corporate America" type companies. As a female who just recently started a career at a small (but very successful) family-owned business, I don't feel like all of these rules necessarily apply to my situation. But I had larger issues with this book. First, I found that the author seems to use men's behavior as the standard for how the workplace should function. She frequently states that women shouldn't do certain things because "you don't see men doing them" and that that there are some things we should do because that's how men behave. I understand that most large, successful companies are likely to be run by men, but she almost makes it seem like they can do no wrong and that moving up is necessarily achieved by acting like a man. I would have appreciated an approach that made me feel like I'm allowed to retain some of my "womanness." Second, for many of the coaching tips at the end of each mistake, she references other books to read. I don't know if she was just lazy or had struck a deal with these other authors to cross-promote books, but either way I was disappointed. Supposedly she's read these other books, so I would have liked to have seen her provide a substantial summary of their content and cite them (the author has a Ph.D., so I'm sure she knows how to properly review background literature).

  2. 4 out of 5

    Gwen

    As cliched as it sounds, this book was a revelation to me. As a young feminist who is just starting out in her career, I was relatively certain that the professional world would have changed since Frankel wrote her book and that acting in a professional (yet reserved) fashion would be sufficient in today's workplace. Clearly, I was mistaken (although not as much as I thought). Frankel first has the reader take a 49 question quiz, which is able to determine which of the eight areas are both your s As cliched as it sounds, this book was a revelation to me. As a young feminist who is just starting out in her career, I was relatively certain that the professional world would have changed since Frankel wrote her book and that acting in a professional (yet reserved) fashion would be sufficient in today's workplace. Clearly, I was mistaken (although not as much as I thought). Frankel first has the reader take a 49 question quiz, which is able to determine which of the eight areas are both your strong and weak points. My strengths were in "how you think," "how you look," and "how you play the game." Honestly, parts of the "how you look" section of the book was a bit ridiculous and somewhat dated, even though this book is but 8 years old, (don't wear inappropriate makeup, dress appropriately, grooming in public, wrong hairstyle, etc.), but the DC Interns blog, cataloging all the mishaps of our annual guests, exists for a reason. All of these examples show up repeatedly in that blog, so clearly, this issue still exists. For me, the parts about "dressing the part" were the easiest--it was the more physical ways of holding yourself that I learned I needed to work on. My weakest points were in "how you market yourself" and "how you respond," two areas that I *knew* I had problems. I gleaned many, many tips from the book (my poor library copy was tabbed to pieces), mostly subtle things that I can easily put into action--indeed, I already have tried out many of these action items. "How You Play the Game" 1) Allow yourself to 'waste' a little time each day. 'Wasting' time, like getting coffee or going out to lunch, allows you to build personal relationships with your coworkers. (Which might help you in getting another job later...) While I might feel a bit guilty stepping away from my desk to grab coffee with coworkers, building these personal relationships over the years has been good for my personal life (new friends!) but it might pay off professionally. (Not, of course, that my coworkers are only good for finding other jobs!) 2) "Stop volunteering for low-profile, low impact assignments." Just because I *can* volunteer doesn't mean that I should. Additionally, stop trying to help out in solving problems. It sounds a bit cold-hearted (especially to someone who seems to have this crazy need to help everyone everytime), but "avoid the inclination to want to solve the problem for them. It's *their* problem, not yours." I think this is all part of learning how to say NO. (Easier said than done, I know.) 3) Taking breaks. A former coworker/mentor of mine said that she had to take breaks throughout the day so that she wouldn't lose her mind. I didn't realize the importance of her wise words at the time (what, you mean I can leave my desk for a bit?!), but now I try to get up and move around for a bit every few hours. Coffee, lunch, a brief walk outside--all help to better my mood and make me more productive when I get back to my desk. 4) Couch requests in the form of a statement. Don't ask--TELL. Make it a fait accompli. (Would only work if you make plans: "I've added money to the budget for extra training and staff members" instead of just asking for more money.) 5) Don't necessarily avoid office politics. I love politics, but office politics--especially in small offices--terrify me. You need to define what you have to offer to another person and what you need/want from the other person. "Each time you go out of your way for someone or give them what you they need, you've earned a figurative 'chip' that you can later cash in for something you need." Everything is in exchange for something else. My problem: actually cashing in my 'chips.' I *hate* asking people for things. 6) Don't be the office conscience. Obviously, if something is heinously wrong, tell someone, but you need to weigh the benefit of pointing out minor infractions against the possible consequences. 7) DON'T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP. Probably my #1 problem, both professionally and academically. If I don't 100% have to talk, I won't. Too many occassions of being told how dumb my opinion/thought/comment/question was has made me incredibly wary of ever opening my mouth, even if I know that I'm right. I know that I need to speak up more, and a good way of doing this is to practice speaking up in meetings (or class) at least once per session. It gets easier each time. And this is totally true. 8) Capitalize on relationships. As I'm working on my grad thesis, I've learned how important this is. Nobody will want to talk to you, but if you namedrop/refer to others/get an introduction, getting information/what you want becomes much easier. I think this goes together with #5. "How You Act" 1) Don't poll before you make a decision, aka 'crowdsourcing,' of which I'm very guilty of doing. I think it's fine when you're trying to decide where to meet for dinner or what to wear, but professionally, it shows that you can't make a decision. Action item: take risks--make small decisions without input. Figure out what you have to lose if you do X. 2) Stop needing to be liked. I think this is so ingrained in teaching gender roles--that it's better to be liked than many other things. Remember that when people are angry/annoyed at you, it might be because they're trying to get you to do something that they want/act a certain way. I'm not sure that I 100% agree with this, but I do know that being liked isn't necessarily the best method of achieving what you want at the risk of everything else. 3) ASK QUESTIONS--STOP FEELING SCARED OF SOUNDING STUPID. Yup, easily my #1 problem. I was always taught that it's better to not say anything and have people think you're dumb than to open your mouth and have it confirmed, but I do know that such thinking is wrong. Correcting years of that, though, is rough. Asking questions to understand is a sign of confidence, not ignorance. If asking a question will help other people, definitely go for it. Best takeaway from this entry: "If people make you feel stupid over a question you've asked, you can assume it's their problem, not yours. If they do it consistently, ask them point blank why they feel the need to put you down just because you've asked a question." The last part will be rough to put in action (hello, fear of confrontation!), but it's definitely valid. 4) Don't give the whole truth unless it's 100% necessary. This is so true with job applications. Women are more apt to not apply for a job if they don't meet all qualifications, while men will apply when it's about a 75% match of skills to qualifications. Two key points: "Don't make a mistake worse by embellishment...Avoid the tendency to agree or explain, and don't allow yourself to feel bad about it. Practice saying, 'I understand what you're saying, and I'll keep that in mind in the future.'" And "It's true I don't have all the qualifications listed, but what makes me a viable candidate is my depth of hands-on experience." Definitely something to keep in mind as I job search. 5) Don't share too much personal information. If a personal situation is affecting job performance, don't explain, but say, "I'm going through a rough time right now but my job is important to me. I'll work on paying closer attention to the details." 6) Don't always feel the need to help. "Because women are taught early in their lives that others must know more than they do, so knowledge and self-confidence must be gained externally. Helping others is one way capable women gain external validation for their self-worth." SO TRUE. "How You Think" This was by far my strongest attribute, but there are still some things I need to work on. 1) Manage expectations--don't get taken advantage of. Be willing to go the extra mile, but make sure to tell people when an expectation is unrealistic. 2) PERFECTIONISM. "Perfect is the enemy of the good" is something I need tattooed on me somewhere. Strive for 80% perfection--the difference between 80% and 100% is so small and often won't be noticed, but it will buy you more time for other important tasks. "How You Brand and Market Yourself" And one of my worst categories. I hate selling myself (see my review of "Do What You Love"--it's classic ISTJ behavior, apparently), but I know that I need to become much better at it, especially during a job hunt. 1) Make a list of 3-5 things you enjoy at work, then translate them into strengths, and then note how that makes you different than others. 2) Don't sell yourself short. "When offered a position or assignment that's new to you, TAKE IT. If others have enough confidence in you that you can do the job, YOU SHOULD, TOO." I need to remember this. 3) DON'T BE SO MODEST. Again, I think this is so ingrained in women that it's hard to take credit for a job well done. Stop saying "Oh, it was nothing." It WAS something. Learn how to say "thank you" after being given a compliment. I'm trying so hard on this one, and I think some things are actually beginning to sink in! 4) Get out of your safety zone--this is one I actually did *before* reading this book. After a bit of pressure/boost of confidence from a coworker, I volunteered for a writing assignment, and my boss said "sure." And now I'm quite nicely doing it. I'm stretching my skill set and learning new things. "If you're willing to take the calculated risk of possibly failing, it's not selfish to learn on the job." 5) Stop doing stereotypical "girl" jobs, like making coffee or copies. If asked, you should suggest that the duty be on a rotating basis. I'm not necessarily guilty of this (so far), but this would be a good one to remember when I find another job that isn't as laid-back (in terms of office attitude--we all get our own coffee and make our own copies if needed) as the one I have now. I have a feeling this might be an issue later on. This comes up again in "How You Respond," but learn to say "It's a big deal to me" if your boss complains about you not wanting to make coffee, etc. "How You Sound" 1) Stop using "upspeak"--making every statement sound like a question. I think I've gotten myself out of this this completely, but I know that I'm much more likely to couch opinions as questions, which I need to stop. Be assertive! 2) Don't always explain. Just because you know more about a subject doesn't mean you need to say it all. "Depending on your level of expertise, it may be incomplete to you, but not to the other person." This goes along with thinking that everyone knows more than you do. 3) Don't ask for permission--just inform. "By informing others you show respect for their need to know, but without *your* action being contingent upon *their* approval." If people have a problem, they'll let you know. 4) STOP APOLOGIZING. JUST STOP. "Apologizing for unintentional, low-profile, non-egregious errors erodes our self-confidence and, in turn, the confidence others have in us." If something is egregious, apologize ONCE, then move on--turn it into an objective assessment and think of ways to fix the problem. Always think that you're EQUAL to the other person (someone may be of higher rank, but that doesn't make them better--hard habit to break from a military background, though). 5) Practice saying "thank you." Goes along with accepting compliments. Don't downplay what you did. "Thank you. I'm quite proud of what I achieved and must give some credit to those who helped me along the way." 6) Directly answer whatever question there is. Don't waffle. Take a risk--say 'yes' or 'no.' You don't have to be 100% perfect--better than sounding wishy-washy. 7) DON'T TALK TOO FAST. Something else I'm 100% guilty of. I think my opinion isn't valid, so I try to talk (on the rare occasions that I *do* talk) as quickly as possible so that someone else with a better opinion can speak. STOP THAT. You are entitled to be seen and heard. You are entitled to take all the time you need to convey your message. 8) Stop using touchy-feely language. Be assertive. "I think..." "I believe..." "I intend..." "I would like..." Be strong! Be direct! Language strongly conveys messages about us, so show that you're strong and decisive. This comes up again in "How You Respond." To counter being treated inappropriately, learn to tell people what you really think. "I would appreciate it if you did X." 9) Speak up! Have a loud(er) voice. This one reminds me of a scene from the book "Contact." Ellie is in graduate school in a male-dominated field (physics, I think), and nobody will ever listen to her in class, so she comes up with this persona--authoritative, strong, loud, CONFIDENT. She says that it makes her laugh to listen to herself speak that way, since it's not her at all, but she gets results. People LISTEN. This comes up again in "How You Respond." Be one of the first few people to speak up at a meeting--you never want to be the last person to speak. "The longer you wait to speak, the more likely it is that someone else will say what you're thinking--and get credit for it." This is one of my biggest issues in speaking up in class. I'll be thinking something but won't say it for fear of sounding stupid, and then someone else goes on to say the exact same thing and get praised for brilliance. And if only I had spoken up... "How You Look" A bit dated, but clearly relevant, given what all I've seen on the Metro of women dressed for work. 1) Stop taking up too little space. This is so easy to put into practice. The more space you take up, the more confident you appear. In elevators, now, I try to stop cowering in the corner to make room for others. Obviously, don't hog all the space, but that space is yours. You're entitled to it! Take it! 2) Stop sitting on your foot...? I honestly have no idea what this means. I'm trying to picture this in my head, but I can't imagine what this means. Is this tucking a foot under the other under your chair? Or is this actually sitting on your foot IN your chair? If it's the latter, that's just wildly unprofessional and nobody should ever do that, but if it's the former, I'm a little confused as to how I should actually sit, then. 3) MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT. One I'm 100% guilty of, but I'm working on it. Apparently, it means that I'm uncomfortable (usually true in social situations anyway) and unsure of myself. But I need to get out of that habit. "How You Respond" This was by far my worst category. Women are not taught to defend ourselves or get angry when someone is disrespectful to us, teaching us to be tolerant of people who treat us like crap. 1) Stop internalizing messages. I need to read "The Drama of the Gifted Child"--how parenting (sorry, Mom...) placed unrealistically high expectations on them. I wonder if this is why I have such a horrible case of 'Impostor Syndrome.' 2) Stop thinking everyone knows more than you. 'Impostor Syndrome,' yet again. 3) Stop being so patient. If you don't ask, it might not happen: promotions, etc. If told that you're being impatient, ask when a good time would be to revisit the issue. If asked to wait a long time, ask WHY such a long time is needed. 4) Put yourself first. I tell my sister this all the time, but the only person looking out for you is YOU. Easier said than internalized. It is NOT selfish to have your needs met. Have a life outside of work, especially. I've added to issues above where topics discussed in this section relate. These action items are harder to put into practice than others, since these are about changing your worldview completely. Overall, I was really impacted by this book. It has given me some great tips on how to act professionally and what all I need to do to help make a successful career. I took off one star for the chapter on "How You Look," since to me, it seemed ridiculous and dated. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Source: Reddit posting on women in business

  3. 4 out of 5

    Tia

    I could not make it through this book because it infuriated me so much. To begin, the book is horribly sexist, insisting that women should change their behavior because "you don't see men doing it," "it accents your femininity," etc. Over and over again, the author implies that the feminine is somehow lesser and that masculinity is the ideal that everyone should strive for. While fine for someone who just wants to play the game, it's an insult to those who want to change it; the problem in the wo I could not make it through this book because it infuriated me so much. To begin, the book is horribly sexist, insisting that women should change their behavior because "you don't see men doing it," "it accents your femininity," etc. Over and over again, the author implies that the feminine is somehow lesser and that masculinity is the ideal that everyone should strive for. While fine for someone who just wants to play the game, it's an insult to those who want to change it; the problem in the workplace is not that women are feminine, but that people like the author continue to label femininity as inferior. Essential, the author is just perpetuating the stereotypes that make the work environment so hostile for female employees. Additionally, the author spoke in stereotypical over-generalizations; it seems like she just Google searched what not to do at work and slapped it into a book. "Don't wear inappropriate clothes to work," "don't post inappropriate content on social media," etc. - all things that everyone has known since their first job working in a pizza joint at 16. Very, very, very rarely does the author offer something new or genuinely unique. When not speaking in broad generalizations that amount to nothing, the author spends her time contradicting herself. With one point telling women that they should never work without a break and another point telling women that that "believing in the myth of work-life balance" is a pipe dream, it's hard to figure out what exactly the author is trying to say; does she think women should take breaks or does she think that they should bury themselves in work? Your guess is as good as mine. To top off this venture in frustration and disappointment, the book itself was low quality. The first time I opened it, the spine cracked and pages began to fall out. Luckily this book is going straight into the trash, so I don't have to worry about it holding up over time. Would never recommend. Do not waste $18.00 on this book - donate it to a women's rights charity instead.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Wallace

    Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office 101 by Lois P. Frankel is a book that all women should receive upon graduation from college. It is amazing what we, the female gender, do to undermine ourselves without realizing it. Many of us, who come from homes that were supportive and definitely didn't pigeonhold us into the subservient female role, would never imagine how much we have picked up from the social cues and trends around us. Though, until recently, I would have not realized that I suffered Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office 101 by Lois P. Frankel is a book that all women should receive upon graduation from college. It is amazing what we, the female gender, do to undermine ourselves without realizing it. Many of us, who come from homes that were supportive and definitely didn't pigeonhold us into the subservient female role, would never imagine how much we have picked up from the social cues and trends around us. Though, until recently, I would have not realized that I suffered from "nice girl syndrome", nor would I have connected it to ill health in my professional (or personal) life for that matter, I have now received a shocking education. Like jumping into a lake much colder than the tepid waters you were expecting, Nice Girls startles you with realization, while you emerge more refreshed because of it. If Nice Girls was a friend, it would be the one who says, "yes, you really do look fat in that outfit, but here's another that will accentuate what a wonderful body you actually have." See, it is not mean; it is truthful with gems of coaching advice. Frankel does not leave you hanging; she will tell you outright how you are shooting yourself in the foot, but then she will remove the gun from your hand and replace it with bandages and antiseptic. I have borrowed this one from the public library, but will be adding it my personal library. This is too valuable of a resource to not own and be able to refer back to until these life changing tips become healthy habits. As we change and grow our areas that we reference to in this book will also change, and I would like to have the ability to take and retake the questionnaire, that guides you through the book, as often as I like. Frankly, I'm not sure I know more than three or four women who don't need to read this book. (originally posted on www.coconutlibrary.typepad.com)

  5. 4 out of 5

    Vivian

    This book was exciting at first, but then turn to uncomfortable. First, It made me feel that being a Girl itself is a guilt, acting like a girl, thinking like a girl is not recommended in work place. So basically this book tell people "how to act like a man" because high positions are mostly held by man. If you "don't see a man do this, you should not do this" (!!!?!) . Second, it provide too many no right- no wrong recommend for both gender, but still emphasize only female worker often do this This book was exciting at first, but then turn to uncomfortable. First, It made me feel that being a Girl itself is a guilt, acting like a girl, thinking like a girl is not recommended in work place. So basically this book tell people "how to act like a man" because high positions are mostly held by man. If you "don't see a man do this, you should not do this" (!!!?!) . Second, it provide too many no right- no wrong recommend for both gender, but still emphasize only female worker often do this and that, but male co worker don't. Reading the examples I feel that all the male's thinking, behavior are perfect? This book is not show girls how to find their deserve equality in work place but tell them to follow a man model role, to copy those successful male's behavior and thinking. However, there are some good tips in this book that I will keep in mind such as stop being a nice, cute girl (I didn't read the English version of this book) , the rest is just so so and you can find those in any self-help book.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Kressel Housman

    This is the first book I read from the bibliography of Anne Kreamer's It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace, and I found it much more skills-based and practical. The author's main theme is, "Quit being a girl," by which she means to toot your own horn and stand up for yourself because high quality work alone won't get you noticed and promoted. The corporate world is prejudiced against girls and can't envision them beyond the secretarial pool. Women, in contrast, get ahead This is the first book I read from the bibliography of Anne Kreamer's It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace, and I found it much more skills-based and practical. The author's main theme is, "Quit being a girl," by which she means to toot your own horn and stand up for yourself because high quality work alone won't get you noticed and promoted. The corporate world is prejudiced against girls and can't envision them beyond the secretarial pool. Women, in contrast, get ahead with the right efforts. The first chapter contains a questionnaire of the "very true/sometimes true/sometimes false/very false" variety with questions as diverse as, "Do you apply lipstick in public?" and "Do you phrase your statements as questions?" Each of these questions relates to one of seven categories: 1) how you act 2) think 3) work 4) play 5) look 6) sound 7) market. Each category has its own chapter, so the author recommends that you read the chapters corresponding to the areas in which you scored lowest. My lowest scores were in act, play, and market, but I think my worst drawback is my soft soprano voice. Other than taking voice lessons, which I can't afford anyway, there's not much I can do about it. Interestingly, my best score was in look, which just goes to show that modesty in dress enhances a woman's respectability. But this self-promoting stuff. . . that goes against the tzniusdiggeh grain. According to the book, though, there's plenty else I can do, and while I was reading it, I definitely applied some of its advice, like insisting that my boss stop sending me out to Starbucks and engaging in more office chit-chat because relationships matter. But it's been a few weeks since then, and I've fallen back into my old passive ways. Still, it was good advice, and I intend to read more from this author and the books she cites. I wish I'd learned these lessons long ago!

  7. 5 out of 5

    Jaime

    I just finished reading this book in an effort to teach myself how to stop doing all of those little things that sabotage the advancement of my career. I'm not currently looking for a new job (even though I should be) but I'd still like to work on improving my skills and stop downplaying my abilities. Things I already know: I act nice to get people on my side, meanwhile, forgetting about my own needs because I want everyone to like me. I also say "I'm sorry" a lot and don't know how to toot my ow I just finished reading this book in an effort to teach myself how to stop doing all of those little things that sabotage the advancement of my career. I'm not currently looking for a new job (even though I should be) but I'd still like to work on improving my skills and stop downplaying my abilities. Things I already know: I act nice to get people on my side, meanwhile, forgetting about my own needs because I want everyone to like me. I also say "I'm sorry" a lot and don't know how to toot my own horn. What I need to do instead: make decisions without polling others for opinions and deliver direction without wavering. I need to let my confidence come across so that the people I am speaking with know I mean what I say and they'll stop questioning or undermining me. As a woman in the workplace, it can be difficult to overcome the pressures and teachings of society, parents and peers to be a "good girl" by going with the flow and not being assertive to get needs met. I believe women need to learn how to be empowered on their own because they certainly aren't getting it from others. Empowerment for women doesn't mean you have to be a over-controlling bitch or a whining nag. We certainly cannot act like men because we aren't men but we can find that balance that I find myself craving. With this book as a guide, I hope to learn where to go from here. The title contains a clue that 101 mistakes cannot be fixed within one book so the author wisely points them out and then refers the reader to another more specific book to help with a particular or group of particular mistakes. Not only am I going to use what I learn to help myself but I'm going to use it to teach my four year old daughter the same. It is important to me that she knows she is smart and that her ideas and thoughts matter just as much as the next person's.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Anablava Ligataj

    I must confess that I started this book with a lot of skepticism. I am a feminist and I do not like to be told what I need to change in order to fit to a men's world. I would always prefer to change the world. Besides that, the fact that the heading of each mini chapter is always titled mistake # (and that goes on from mistake #1 - t0 mistake #300+) got my head fuming. It is direct yes, but also pretty arrogant. Those two points aside, I would recommend every woman to read this book. Not only girl I must confess that I started this book with a lot of skepticism. I am a feminist and I do not like to be told what I need to change in order to fit to a men's world. I would always prefer to change the world. Besides that, the fact that the heading of each mini chapter is always titled mistake # (and that goes on from mistake #1 - t0 mistake #300+) got my head fuming. It is direct yes, but also pretty arrogant. Those two points aside, I would recommend every woman to read this book. Not only girls, not only business woman, not only carrier woman. Every woman. I have a rule of thumb (or three): If a book makes me wonder and take breaks while reading it to let my thoughts wander, if a book helps me get to to know myself better, and if a book makes a change in my life: It was a book worth reading. And this was a book worth reading. Many pages felt like slaps on my face. Many "mistakes" were things I do. Will I necessarily change all of them to get where I want? No. But now I am aware of them and their impact. Now I have control over my "flaws". Some of the "mistakes" I will change, because they were never actions I consciously decided to do. They were more instilled messages from society, culture and family, that I carry around with me. or me most important point I take from this read, valid from now: I will never again apologize for winning!

  9. 4 out of 5

    MB (What she read)

    Easy to read and some quite useful tips. (It would be nice if someday, we, as a society, ever get to a time when men aren't advantaged in business by their sex and women didn't have to make themselves over just to get ahead.)

  10. 4 out of 5

    Meg

    I had an epiphany-like moment over and over again when Frankel points out that when people shame a woman for unladylike behavior, it's not because there is such a shameful thing as unladylike behavior, it's because it's the easiest and most effective means of getting whatever it is they want out of you. Because we've been so conditioned to be pleasing to others, accusing a woman of behaving in an unpleasing manner is like an automatic shut off button that manipulative people use against us. Accu I had an epiphany-like moment over and over again when Frankel points out that when people shame a woman for unladylike behavior, it's not because there is such a shameful thing as unladylike behavior, it's because it's the easiest and most effective means of getting whatever it is they want out of you. Because we've been so conditioned to be pleasing to others, accusing a woman of behaving in an unpleasing manner is like an automatic shut off button that manipulative people use against us. Accusations and implications of this manner have no basis in reality, it's just a means of shutting us up and keeping us out. I'd downloaded several other career advice audiobooks before this one, as I was looking for career advice because I'm a new grad starting my first corporate job. I found the other new grad career advice books rather trite and unhelpful. I was hesitant about this purchase because I wasn't worried about snagging the "corner office," so much as just getting started, but I am so glad I found this gem as I begin my journey through the corporate world. I'm so impressed with the book I intend on buying copies for female friends as graduation presents. I also loved that Frankel recommends a plethora of other resources and career coaching books throughout. She is a generous author who never fails to cite and recommend her influences, a rare skill in a world of self-promotional and narcissistic branding. I know a lot of women will bristle at Frankel's direct advice that hacks away at traditional femininity - in a perfect world, we should be able to be ourselves at work and get ahead - but we don't live in that world, and a more subtle idea in this book is that perhaps many of the soft-fuzzy-nice-girl characteristics women have aren't inherent, so much as conditioned, and in the process of unconditioning ourselves, we find out how human we really are. Frankel doesn't waste time pining for an idealistic world - this book isn't for idealistic women, it's for ambitious women who want to succeed and thrive in the world that exists. Success in the corporate world, like it or not, entails conformity. Frankel points out the mistakes women are making in regards to that expectation of conformity in terms of how we prioritize performing gender over performing our jobs. And at times it's a bitter pill to swallow. Nearly all the advice comes back to: stop acting like a coy little girl; put on your big girl panties and step up to the plate. It's hard because it forced me to confront how infantalized some of my behaviors are. As girls there are many emotional developmental areas where we're not encouraged to grow. Girls are protected from overcoming many barriers, like failure, and consequently there is a kind of emotional stunting that we turn a blind eye to and justify through the idea of inherent gender characteristics. And our society will let us tread water here in that emotional retardation for the rest of our lives, but if you want to get ahead, you have to get over it. Frankel's book is the first step on that path because she simply made me aware of what was in my blind spot. The book holds up a mirror - if you don't like what you see, it's on you to change it.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Joanna

    Another book with a tacky title that I have bypassed every time I've seen it. But browsing in the library one day I decided to give it a try and I'm glad I did. I always knew that I was a typical girl in finding it difficult to negotiate money, but I thought that was it. After reading through this book (which doesn't take long as you can easily skip over irrelevant sections), I have realized that I actually am making a bunch of 'mistakes' at work that are not benefiting my career. This book help Another book with a tacky title that I have bypassed every time I've seen it. But browsing in the library one day I decided to give it a try and I'm glad I did. I always knew that I was a typical girl in finding it difficult to negotiate money, but I thought that was it. After reading through this book (which doesn't take long as you can easily skip over irrelevant sections), I have realized that I actually am making a bunch of 'mistakes' at work that are not benefiting my career. This book helped me take conscious stock of what I need to change if I want to improve my performance and I have come up with a list of specific points to focus on for my personal career development.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Fiona Heath

    Loved some of the advice. Some was cliche, some was quite old fashioned. Overall, I'm going to stop saying sorry, or offering to do menial tasks.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Stephanie

    Reading "Nice Girls" back in 2004 was a bit of a shock to me - an unpleasant one. So many of the negative behaviors Lois Frankel describes were things I did in the office on a regular basis. These behaviors were so ingrained in me: don't be too aggressive, apologize profusely for any misdeed, be grateful for any crumb tossed my way, and I sat with my foot folded under me ALL the time. I do agree with Frankel that it's difficult for women to get ahead by always being a "nice girl." Her book struc Reading "Nice Girls" back in 2004 was a bit of a shock to me - an unpleasant one. So many of the negative behaviors Lois Frankel describes were things I did in the office on a regular basis. These behaviors were so ingrained in me: don't be too aggressive, apologize profusely for any misdeed, be grateful for any crumb tossed my way, and I sat with my foot folded under me ALL the time. I do agree with Frankel that it's difficult for women to get ahead by always being a "nice girl." Her book struck a chord with me, and I had to work hard to forcibly change behaviors that were so much a part of me. It's been nearly ten years since I first read this book, and no, I'm not in the corner office. But Frankel's advice has helped me to at least be perceived as more confident and assertive, even when I don't always feel it. This book provides some very helpful advice and insights for women of all ages and at all stages of their careers.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Courtney

    All women should be forced to read this book. Traits that are inherent to us as women, when allowed to drive the way we function at work, allow others to walk all over us while we ask for more and thank them for doing it. Even if you think you're a strong, independent woman (which I like to believe I am), this book will point out important things that you do at the office that help keep your pay at less that of your male counterparts and help you get looked over every time there's a round of pro All women should be forced to read this book. Traits that are inherent to us as women, when allowed to drive the way we function at work, allow others to walk all over us while we ask for more and thank them for doing it. Even if you think you're a strong, independent woman (which I like to believe I am), this book will point out important things that you do at the office that help keep your pay at less that of your male counterparts and help you get looked over every time there's a round of promotions. Can't recommend it enough, especially for younger women. I wish I would have read this book before I finished college.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Heather

    Self-help books aren't really my thing and the tone in this book is often condescending, like she's talking to people who are emotionally adolescents. That said, some of her points are great and no matter how much education in women's studies you or I or anyone has, the socialization we received as girls continues to cripple us in adult life. It's inescapable. I'm not exactly a shrinking violet but I recognized myself in some of her examples. Recommended for women in industries dominated by men a Self-help books aren't really my thing and the tone in this book is often condescending, like she's talking to people who are emotionally adolescents. That said, some of her points are great and no matter how much education in women's studies you or I or anyone has, the socialization we received as girls continues to cripple us in adult life. It's inescapable. I'm not exactly a shrinking violet but I recognized myself in some of her examples. Recommended for women in industries dominated by men and/or anyone interested in gender studies and pop psychology.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Selena Stan

    I could not identify any real added value in this book. There are some common sense ideas, while other points are simply soaked with feminism. I went through the book in hope of finding some rational advice to improve my business attitude. After around 10 randomly-chosen chapters I gave up... Maybe the book would get a higher grade from less experienced readers (in their early twenties, for example). For seasoned business women, it's a waste of time.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Mandy

    This was awesome. I wish I had read it years ago. It helps with every day life as well. this is not about what is wrong with men or women but rather practical advice for how to act and speak at work so that men will listen and we won't get upstaged. I suggest this for all women.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Marie-Lise Theys

    I did not like it, I felt like you have to fake it to make it. What about we change the corner office rather than changing women to fit in.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Alanoud

    Starting from the naïve socialization until sex discrimination, most women are way too far from achieving satisfactory successful career life. Lois Frankel addresses in this amazing book, Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office, 101 unconscious mistakes working women do that sabotage their careers. All of these mistakes are results of being socialized with stereotypical norms and roles. Lois's main argument is that women themselves are the ones who carry out the whole responsibility. If they hap Starting from the naïve socialization until sex discrimination, most women are way too far from achieving satisfactory successful career life. Lois Frankel addresses in this amazing book, Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office, 101 unconscious mistakes working women do that sabotage their careers. All of these mistakes are results of being socialized with stereotypical norms and roles. Lois's main argument is that women themselves are the ones who carry out the whole responsibility. If they happen to be treated un respectfully or unfairly or even if they were perceived as weak and unprofessional workers, they are the ones to be blamed first. Through this book, the author provides many tactics and techniques in which women can be more aware of all the subtle massages they receive every day from society and how to deal with them correctly and efficiently. By getting out of the girls ghetto, a woman can manage what she seeks out from her career. Moving from girlhood to womanhood is the aim of this book and NOT jumping to the men ghetto acting like if you are one of the dudes! In fact, that was what I liked the most about this book. Honestly, I was shocked how very little unconsciously made up behaviors or words can negatively make a huge difference. At a workplace, the author covers EVERYTHING a woman needs to know about how to play the game, how to act, how to think, how to brand her talents and market herself, how she should sound, how she should look and finally how to respond, especially to gender discriminations and sexual harassments.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Kathrin

    This was an interesting read and while I don't agree to all the points the author made I still have the impression of getting some valuable insights. However, since I don't work in a big company I believe that some parts of the book just didn't address me. There was definitely a point when I felt like 'I've heard that one before' but the author remained a little vague on what to do. But then, I don't expect someone to provide me all the answers. The book was a good place to start and I'll most l This was an interesting read and while I don't agree to all the points the author made I still have the impression of getting some valuable insights. However, since I don't work in a big company I believe that some parts of the book just didn't address me. There was definitely a point when I felt like 'I've heard that one before' but the author remained a little vague on what to do. But then, I don't expect someone to provide me all the answers. The book was a good place to start and I'll most likely pick it up later again to read some of the coaching techniques as well look up other essays and books.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Marcella

    I need to clear out my library of unread books and am doing so by reading them. This one was given to me at a woman's leadership conference and so far falling short of the other book "Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman." UPDATE It was okay. Wouldn't recommend as there are definitely better books out there, but she said some true things and has some okay tips. I probably make the majority of the mistakes, but am not as bothered. The alternative feels unaccessable and not someone I'd like to work for I need to clear out my library of unread books and am doing so by reading them. This one was given to me at a woman's leadership conference and so far falling short of the other book "Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman." UPDATE It was okay. Wouldn't recommend as there are definitely better books out there, but she said some true things and has some okay tips. I probably make the majority of the mistakes, but am not as bothered. The alternative feels unaccessable and not someone I'd like to work for, man or woman.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Emma

    I will definitely take some of these ideas on board! I really like the ideas about confidence and taking pride of your work, but also about putting yourself first. I think that this is something that I need to work on so I have added these notes to my work desk.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Aura

    Written by top career coach L.P.Frankel, ‘101 mistakes’ aims to guide women away from the ‘act like a girl’ stereotypes taught to them as young ladies, which according to the author they carry onto womanhood. The book begins with a self-assessment questionnaire to help you identify what your strengths and weakness are, so you can concentrate more on your weakness. Each section includes a case study and bullet pointed summaries to help you deal with each problem. I liked that Frankel kept everythin Written by top career coach L.P.Frankel, ‘101 mistakes’ aims to guide women away from the ‘act like a girl’ stereotypes taught to them as young ladies, which according to the author they carry onto womanhood. The book begins with a self-assessment questionnaire to help you identify what your strengths and weakness are, so you can concentrate more on your weakness. Each section includes a case study and bullet pointed summaries to help you deal with each problem. I liked that Frankel kept everything short, she didn’t ramble on for too long on each point, everything was clear, concise, and easy for anybody to understand. Here however, is where I had issues with this book; Frankel blames women’s lack of dominance in the work force on how they were socialised compared to boys. While I do agree that boys are taught to be more fierce and aggressive from a younger age, whereas girls are taught to be suger,spice and everything nice, Frankel then uses this as a means of blaming women for their issues in the workplace. As if there aren’t one hundred other reasons women’s progression at work, how much they are paid, or how they are treated compared men put a damper on their careers. There are many other social reasons for this and to ignore then I think is just naive. There is one section were she claims you must spend as much time creating networks and socialising with colleges as you should doing work, a good enough point I suppose, if all is truly kept professional. What do I mean you ask? A shocking report uncovered many high profile business meetings and so called cooperate entertainment functions were being undertaken in lap dancing clubs and sex was often used as a means of getting deals! So I suppose women are just meant to play along with the boys huh. Of course this is one extreme, but it is one of many and I think Ms Frankel is missing a lot of important points. How about we start appreciating the different skills women can bring compared to men, because it is a known fact that organisations that have a more equal balance of men and women perform better. Much of the book is also more fitted for the corporate world, of which not everybody works in, or wants to for that matter. Overall however, I do think it is a decent career advice book for women and worth reading, but don’t get trapped in the idea that just because women stop making our 101 mistakes, life at work will be any better, we still have a long battle to fight for equality.

  24. 4 out of 5

    LuAnne Alexander

    I felt that most of this book was a how-to for those who want to be a closed-minded corporate robot. Don't bring food to share at work? Don't have long hair? Well, men don't do it, so you shouldn't do it either. Speak at meetings the way men do: loud, confident and don't forget to be the first to speak and never the last. Respond to emails the way men do. Dress the way men do. Use social media the way men do (which means hardly ever). Try not to smile so much because men don't smile that much. I I felt that most of this book was a how-to for those who want to be a closed-minded corporate robot. Don't bring food to share at work? Don't have long hair? Well, men don't do it, so you shouldn't do it either. Speak at meetings the way men do: loud, confident and don't forget to be the first to speak and never the last. Respond to emails the way men do. Dress the way men do. Use social media the way men do (which means hardly ever). Try not to smile so much because men don't smile that much. I think that whether you're a man or a woman, you will get mad when you read this book. Oops, I just started a sentence with "I think..." - that's probably too touchy/feely and now you don't respect what I have to say. There are a lot of contradictions in this book too. I don't have an example off the top of my head, but there were many times where I thought, "Didn't she say previously not to do this?" The beauty/clothing section angered me the most. You MUST wear makeup, but not too much makeup, and cut your hair short to be respected and ultimately promoted at work Don't forget your suit. I do not have visible tattoos and agree that you should try and hide them to be professional... But I did not like her statement that if people accidentally get a peek of your tattoos, they will see you as someone who makes poor judgments... and thus a bad worker. That's really unfair. It was a bit eye-opening on female behaviors that I've always known, but never really put in the forefront of my subconscious. I still don't agree that much of it as harmful to anyone's career. However, there IS one takeaway from this book that have begun applying to my professional life. Women tend to apologize a lot when it's not necessary. Since reading this book, I've stopped starting sentences with "I feel bad, but..." or "Sorry, but..." - no more apologizing when delegating tasks. Too female. :) Now excuse me while I throw out this bowl of candy I have in my office for visitors. I don't want to be seen as a nurturer and not upper-management material.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Simcha

    I don't remember the last time I had this strong of a love-hate relationship with a book. Dr. Frankel definitely offers some practical tips on mistakes commonly made in the workplace (not just women but men as well.) There are some "mistakes" she lists that I found to be ridiculous such as women wearing their hair too long, or not wearing enough make-up. The fundamental flaw with her book is that when she tells us to "play the game" she is referring to workplace politics that, in the corporate w I don't remember the last time I had this strong of a love-hate relationship with a book. Dr. Frankel definitely offers some practical tips on mistakes commonly made in the workplace (not just women but men as well.) There are some "mistakes" she lists that I found to be ridiculous such as women wearing their hair too long, or not wearing enough make-up. The fundamental flaw with her book is that when she tells us to "play the game" she is referring to workplace politics that, in the corporate world, have been primarily run and influenced by men. Rather than leveling the playing field, she wants women to work within the structure. This may help women get ahead in the careers, but if we must play by their rules to do it, then we are no more empowered even if we become the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. We are still conforming to standards that were created by the power mongers in the game. Having said that, if this is a game you want to play, her tips will help you to do it, if you work in a corporate environment. I found that her book is somewhat unhelpful for those of us who are young and in entry-level positions. For me personally, I experience a decent amount of ageism against me and while I will employ some of her strategies, the raw truth is that most young people such as myself are treated as inexperienced, regardless of our accomplishments. Also, most of us in entry-level positions do not have our own office space (she has a few mistakes that involve office decor, or having people visit us, or us visiting people to do relationship building.) If you are an hourly paid entry-level worker, most employers are strict about your time away from your desk, especially if they are micro-managers. The point is, the book is useful but only as much as you are able to get out of it. It takes a lot of work on the part of the reader to find how to be helped by it, if you are as put off by her tone, and her perpetuation of corporate male hegemony, as I was.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Becki Basley

    My personal bias got in the way when it comes to reading in this book. I feel it gave a great deal of useful information and I will take most of it to heart. I could not get her past her admitted prejudice against tattoos. While I could understand what she commented on about most businesses have a bad opinion of people who choose to modify their body appearance. That does not mean that this attitude has not been changing in the workforce nor does it mean that we should except the sheep mentality My personal bias got in the way when it comes to reading in this book. I feel it gave a great deal of useful information and I will take most of it to heart. I could not get her past her admitted prejudice against tattoos. While I could understand what she commented on about most businesses have a bad opinion of people who choose to modify their body appearance. That does not mean that this attitude has not been changing in the workforce nor does it mean that we should except the sheep mentality and go about keeping it for the sake of "not rocking the boat" . The fact is not all people with tattoos are poor, ignorant, or unsuccessful in the business world. Its been my experience that having them can help others feel more comfortable doing business with you because you are seen as more creative, more OPEN, and more willing to look for solutions outside the norms. Not all of do it as she stated "because of a late night drinking" and not all of us do it to "gain attention". Many of us have them for deeply personal reasons for getting them and have become a more rounded person by having them as part of our physical presence. It isn't a "fad", it's a way of being comfortable with who we are. Indeed that makes us more successful and in ways more willing to achieve the other recommendations in her book. I daresay she would have no problem with someone getting their eyeliner permanently tattooed, a boob job, or collagen injections! Citing one bad experience and a bunch of statistics that will more than likely sought out to prove her point than get an objective view of the subject loses my respect for her no matter how "good" she is at being a sheep and towing the line.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Laura

    There was some good advice in this book, but I felt like a lot of the mistakes were overgeneralized. Consider mistake 45, "making miracles": the author says that when you meet an impossible deadline, you've only set the bar higher for next time. I understand her reasoning, but I work in tech, where the ability to meet tight deadlines is highly valued. Think Scotty of the original Star Trek: he was the only engineer with the necessary skills and knowledge to pull off miracles, making him absolute There was some good advice in this book, but I felt like a lot of the mistakes were overgeneralized. Consider mistake 45, "making miracles": the author says that when you meet an impossible deadline, you've only set the bar higher for next time. I understand her reasoning, but I work in tech, where the ability to meet tight deadlines is highly valued. Think Scotty of the original Star Trek: he was the only engineer with the necessary skills and knowledge to pull off miracles, making him absolutely essential to the crew. The miracles may have raised the bar, but they earned him a lot of respect and a senior position, too. In addition, I didn't like how the author's personal opinion influenced some of the mistakes. Mistake 99 is "obvious body ink and piercings", which the author says "show poor judgement". Now, in conservative fields, the person hiring you may agree with this, and you should take their opinion into consideration. However, in other fields, tattoos and piercings are completely irrelevant, making this another example of overgeneralization. Another thing I disliked is that some of the examples the author uses have little to do with the actual mistake. For example, mistake 29 is "trying to be one of the guys", where the emphasis is on "trying". The author says that if you aren't naturally one of the guys, you'll seem phony and your efforts will backfire. Fair enough, but then she tells a story about a woman who found feces in her hard hat! Guys may sometimes prank each other, but that isn't a prank, that's harassment. Tolerating it doesn't make you one of the guys, it makes you an idiot. In summary, there are some useful ideas in this book, but the sweeping generalizations and inappropriate examples were a source of constant annoyance.

  28. 4 out of 5

    S

    Some great tips for women about how to stop undermining their success with subtle/subconscious habits (think smiling too much, talking too softly, tolerating innappropriate comments, letting other take credit for ideas, tilting head when talking, and lack of professional networking). A lot of the advice in the book seemed obvious to me (I wouldn't let someone present something as "their idea" when I had obviously brought it up in the past) but there was some good advice to be gleaned from this b Some great tips for women about how to stop undermining their success with subtle/subconscious habits (think smiling too much, talking too softly, tolerating innappropriate comments, letting other take credit for ideas, tilting head when talking, and lack of professional networking). A lot of the advice in the book seemed obvious to me (I wouldn't let someone present something as "their idea" when I had obviously brought it up in the past) but there was some good advice to be gleaned from this book, as well as numerous references and suggestions for other books to read if you want to improve a specific aspect of your career or if you suffer from one of the problem behaviors descibed in the book. Short, easy-to-read chapters, each detailing a single topic so you can maybe read one each day and think about whether or not the problem described applies to you, and if so, how you'll remedy the situation. I would recommend this book to men AND women - there are more than a few behaviors in this book which aren't female-specific, that some men might find themselves doing as well.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Rachel Smalter Hall

    I loved this and I hated this. Lois P. Frankel is a total pragmatist, which can be tough for an idealist like me to swallow. Throughout "Nice Girls" she argues that women who want to get ahead in business have to learn to play by the rules created by white men in corporate America. We have to learn to live and play within that structure. Yet I've always held onto this starry-eyed idea that we should be able to create lives for ourselves that honor who we are and what we value. And this is probabl I loved this and I hated this. Lois P. Frankel is a total pragmatist, which can be tough for an idealist like me to swallow. Throughout "Nice Girls" she argues that women who want to get ahead in business have to learn to play by the rules created by white men in corporate America. We have to learn to live and play within that structure. Yet I've always held onto this starry-eyed idea that we should be able to create lives for ourselves that honor who we are and what we value. And this is probably why I stand to learn a LOT from Frankel, even while screaming and kicking my heels. Things I loved: all the lessons about how to be assertive, negotiate, and be decisive. Her case for why it's a bad idea to volunteer for secretarial duties and bring baked goods to work. Things I hated: Frankel's vitriolic dislike of tattoos plus her other bizarre / conservative grooming tips. Her insistence that being a whistle blower or holding management to its policies (or legal obligations) won't get you anywhere. Overall, a recommended read for the assertiveness training alone. Just take everything else with a grain of salt.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Hilary

    This came highly recommended from a blog I read, and I can see why. Thankfully it's not all new to me because an excellent friend of mine has mastered these skills and has been coaching me for some time. (What can I say? I'm a slow learner.) In essence, it's showing how your normal life skills and instincts (be nice, don't make waves, don't be pushy) have to be tweaked while you're at work if you're in a corporate environment or working primarily with men. (Otherwise many of these may not apply, This came highly recommended from a blog I read, and I can see why. Thankfully it's not all new to me because an excellent friend of mine has mastered these skills and has been coaching me for some time. (What can I say? I'm a slow learner.) In essence, it's showing how your normal life skills and instincts (be nice, don't make waves, don't be pushy) have to be tweaked while you're at work if you're in a corporate environment or working primarily with men. (Otherwise many of these may not apply, particularly if you're in a female-dominated industry.) It can be hard for women to be assertive without it being interpreted as pushy or aggressive, and this book helps demonstrate the difference. Each mistake presented has a good example to demonstrate the issue, along with a number of coaching tips and useful wordings to mitigate or avoid it next time. Other books are recommended for further reading at various points. In all likelihood, you'll find maybe half a dozen examples which jump right out at you ("That's me!") and twice as many which may be relevant ("Huh, I hadn't thought of it like that").

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