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5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth and Other Useful Guides

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Prepare to laugh your ass off. The hilarity of TheOatmeal.com is now presented in book form with 35 never-before-seen pieces and 25 classic favorites from the Web site, including 6 Types of Crappy Hugs and 17 Things Worth Knowing about Your Cat. In Matthew Inman's New York Times best selling 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samu Prepare to laugh your ass off. The hilarity of TheOatmeal.com is now presented in book form with 35 never-before-seen pieces and 25 classic favorites from the Web site, including 6 Types of Crappy Hugs and 17 Things Worth Knowing about Your Cat. In Matthew Inman's New York Times best selling 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes. Inman creates these quirky scenes for theoatmeal.com, which launched in July 2009 and already has more than 82 million page views. In fact, every 15 to 30 seconds, someone Googles one of theoatmeal.com's creations. Now, 60 of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as: 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times, 6 Types of Crappy Hugs, 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You, 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat, and 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer.

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30 review for 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth and Other Useful Guides

  1. 4 out of 5

    Stephen

    There is NO WAY that I can properly pour props or otherwise do justice for this fantastic collection of witty, funny, informative and cleverly perceptive commentaries on life and its many absurdities. Therefore, here is my list of 20 reasons to buy and read this book: THE AWESOME "CRAPPY" LISTS: --Discover The 9 Types of Crappy Handshakes including: (1) The Bone Crusher, (2) The Politician, (3) The Close Shaker, (4) The Hipster, (5) the Sweaty McSweaterson, (6) The Airball, (7) The Misfire, (8) T There is NO WAY that I can properly pour props or otherwise do justice for this fantastic collection of witty, funny, informative and cleverly perceptive commentaries on life and its many absurdities. Therefore, here is my list of 20 reasons to buy and read this book: THE AWESOME "CRAPPY" LISTS: --Discover The 9 Types of Crappy Handshakes including: (1) The Bone Crusher, (2) The Politician, (3) The Close Shaker, (4) The Hipster, (5) the Sweaty McSweaterson, (6) The Airball, (7) The Misfire, (8) The Limp, Dead Fish and (9) The Never-Let-Go. --Learn to Spot The 10 Types of Crappy Interviewees and be able to recognize: (i) The Over-dresser, (ii) The Stench, (iii) The Under-dresser, (iv) The Mute, (v)The Talker, (vi)The Bullshitter, (vii) The Trash Talker, (viii) The Apologizer, (ix), the Nervous Twitcher and (x) the Appeaser. --Identify The 7 Types of Crappy Airline Passengers like: (a) the Baby, (b) The Sleep Trappers, (c) The Bigg’un, (d) The Gas Bag, (e) The Lonely, (f) The Elbow’ean Bonaparte and (g) The Giant Carry-on. THE HANDY GUIDES: **Study How to Pee Like a CHAMP including proper GROAN technique. **Gain valuable decorating tips with 8 Ways to Improve Your Home Using a HUMAN CORPSE...(the toothbrush dispenser could be a new Christmas favorite). **Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse by perfecting 8 Ways to Prepare Your PETS for WAR and sleep better knowing Supersonic Flying Death Blade is available. **Shed those unwanted pounds following 5 Ways to Lose Weight Like a Champ including, intensifying your daily jog by kicking a BEAR in the BALLs. **Like lessons from Mom and Dad, learn 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times...excellent for solving that ‘Dead Hooker” problem. THE PRACTICAL INSTRUCTIONS: --Hunters, hone your crafts by learning How to Track, Hunt and Kill A UNICORN....observe, taste, entrap, pre-heat and the kill. --Pet Owners do you know How to Tell if Your Velociraptor is Having Pre-Marital Sex...It all starts with inappropriate dress. --For those that are not naturally gifted, find Out How to Suck at Facebook by being either: (1) The Gamer, (2) The Desperate Marketer, (3) The Horrible Photo Tagger, (4)The Quiz Taker, or (5) The Filterless. --Also helpful is How to Suck at TEXT Messaging including encouraging advice on how to over abbreviate. --Before your next trip to Vegas, memorize the 6 Ways to Fight a Crack Whore...remember, NEVER, NEVER run because crack whores are unmatched in speed and will catch you. THE GRAMMAR AND LIFE LESSONS: **Do you know The 10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling (a) Lose/Loose, (b) Their, They’re and There, (c) Weird (d) Definitely (e) Your and You’re (f)It’s and Its, (g) Effect and Affect, (h) Than and Then and (i) A lot. **Get your knowledge on by learning How to Use a Semicolon....EVERYBODY pay attention here. **Long thought to be just decorative, now you can learn the truth with 6 Reasons MAN NIPPLES Are AWESOME...HINT: the wilderness safety tip may just save your life. **ALEcoholics, discover How Beer is Made...and, more importantly, why you get drunk...NICE. **Caff-junkies, here are 15 Things Worth knowing about COFFEE besides it general awesomensss. **How many of The 8 Phases of Employment have you experienced: fear, lies, excitement and wonder, enthusiasm, doubt, disinterest, loathing and jubilation....me too, spooky isn't it. **Guys, listen up, here are the 10 Types of High Fives and more importantly when to use them....and when not to use them. THE SUMMARY: Buy the book and laugh your ass off and be happy. Don’t buy the book and never learn the 6 Reasons BACON is Better than TRUE LOVE...the choice is yours. As for me, this was a 5 star effort from start to finish and I have become a big fan of OATMEAL.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Lyndsey

    As if we need more reasons to punch dolphins in the mouth. [image error] A hilarious new coffee table book from a website called The Oatmeal. Everything I need to know about life, I learned from this book: (I swear to you, all this stuff is really in it.) 1) At the urinal: men groan, talk to each other about drywall and chainsaws, and then congratulate each other on a job well done. I guess the only witnesses are the clouds outside the window... 2) All those little clicks and whistles that dolphins As if we need more reasons to punch dolphins in the mouth. [image error] A hilarious new coffee table book from a website called The Oatmeal. Everything I need to know about life, I learned from this book: (I swear to you, all this stuff is really in it.) 1) At the urinal: men groan, talk to each other about drywall and chainsaws, and then congratulate each other on a job well done. I guess the only witnesses are the clouds outside the window... 2) All those little clicks and whistles that dolphins make may sound cute, but they are actually vulgar insults. Ergo - It's okay to PUNCH THEM. [image error] 3) People you really don't know will invite you to their Cat's Birthday just because you are friends on Facebook. 4) You can totally get arrested for giving out free hugs... 5) Kittens should be prepared for war with samurai swords. All kitties are really ninjas deep inside. [image error] 6) Knowing this just might save your life - neither of these is a pony: [image error] 7) And most of all: The Bear-0-Dactyl exists! None of the above are the exact quotes or actual images from 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth, but they are the morals of this book. If you want to see them (and believe me - you do), then you will have to get the book yourself. I didn't know about the Oatmeal website before I read this, but I will certainly be visiting it now. This is a compilation of animated short comics from the Oatmeal website. It includes helpful and comprehensive guides to the most common issues of life, including lists of: different types of airline passengers, high fives and when to use them, types of handshakes, crappy pedestrians. Not to mention: a polar bear's guide to making friends, how to ride a pony, why you shouldn't feed your T-Rex cocaine and so much more. The Facebook bit was my favorite. It is a list of all the different types of Facebook trolls, accompanied by illustrations of them and their shenanigans. Not that I would know first hand, since I'm not on Facebook, but the list confirmed most of my sneaking suspicions. This is an igneous comic/picture comedy. I don't even know how to classify this book. Wait, yeah I do. Awesome sauce!! This book is awesome sauce! [image error] There are violent, crude, and awkward images. Sexual content and language - but it's all done so tastefully :) I mean, there's even a bit about why bacon is better than true love. Hahahahaha! Its a "bacon" bit!!! Yum... Hilariously informative! The perfect coffee table book for non-prudes, Beavis and Butthead, stressed out people, Bill Murray, sarcastic people, Ben Stein, perky yet dark people, Buffy, apparently anyone whose name starts with a B, and basically anyone who can appreciate non-PG-rated humor. If you have any sense but no sensibilities, or at least if your sensibilities are not easily offended - then read then book. If your senses and sensibilities are sensitive - don't. (I received this as a free review copy from Netgalley. Thanks Netgalley!)

  3. 4 out of 5

    Pooja

    I wanted to read this one since the moment I read How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You! This guide book is going to be tremendous, I'm getting a vibe of it.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Laura the Highland Hussy

    I received this as an ARC from netgalley.com I don't know if I can stop laughing long enough to write this review! Okay, so last week sometime Alyssa Milano posted on Twitter a thank you to The Oatmeal-the author of this book. The next day, my friend wrote an awesomesauce review of this book http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/.... At that point I realized that I HAVE to read this book. So while I know I usually review romances, this was too good to pass up. I think that there wasn't a page where I received this as an ARC from netgalley.com I don't know if I can stop laughing long enough to write this review! Okay, so last week sometime Alyssa Milano posted on Twitter a thank you to The Oatmeal-the author of this book. The next day, my friend wrote an awesomesauce review of this book http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/.... At that point I realized that I HAVE to read this book. So while I know I usually review romances, this was too good to pass up. I think that there wasn't a page where I didn't crack up. I now know what men do and say to each other in the men's room: (not an excerpt) "Hey bro what's up?" "Chainsaws." "Dude." "Dude." deep heartfelt groan as he finishes up. "Dude, if you shake it too much you're playing with it." "Nah, you gotta show it who's boss." There's a section all about calling someone for tech support, and Holy Crap was it hysterical!!!! It's funny because it's true! I learned lots of fun little tidbits like: If your pony growls, it's not a pony, it's a lion. You should run. How to hunt a unicorn. How to prepare for when the zombies take over. Hitler hated cats. How to suck at Facebook. How to suck at texting. And of course, 5 very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth My favorite line from this entire book was: "We can poop again!" Coolest Words Used: -bearodactyl -kraken -porta-potty -man nipples This book is absolutely worth the read, and the humor is epic. I mean seriously, where else will you find kittens armed with samurai swords? Seriously. http://www.demonloversbooksandmore.co... http://www.gotfiction.com/2012/03/5-v...

  5. 5 out of 5

    K.

    This book is utterly ridiculous and is basically everything that you'd expect if you've ever spent more than 30 seconds on The Oatmeal. It's mostly hilarious randomness, but it DOES include a handful of infographics about using commonly confused words or semi-colons or apostrophes. Frankly, I think I'm going to send the semi-colons one to Stephenie Meyer, because if rereading Twilight and New Moon has taught me anything over the past six months, it's that she abuses the hell out of semi-colons w This book is utterly ridiculous and is basically everything that you'd expect if you've ever spent more than 30 seconds on The Oatmeal. It's mostly hilarious randomness, but it DOES include a handful of infographics about using commonly confused words or semi-colons or apostrophes. Frankly, I think I'm going to send the semi-colons one to Stephenie Meyer, because if rereading Twilight and New Moon has taught me anything over the past six months, it's that she abuses the hell out of semi-colons way more than she should, and could therefore clearly use a refresher course. On the whole, it's totally silly and ridiculously entertaining.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Lisa

    Included in this book you will find tons of useful, informative and inspirational information, including: 5 reasons pigs are more awesome than you 5 reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth How the male angler fish gets completely screwed Ten words you need to stop misspelling Things bears love Six reasons bacon is better than true love 7 reasons to keep your tyrannosaur off crack cocaine 4 reasons to carry a shovel at all times How to ride a pony! Seventeen things worth knowing about your cat The motherf* Included in this book you will find tons of useful, informative and inspirational information, including: 5 reasons pigs are more awesome than you 5 reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth How the male angler fish gets completely screwed Ten words you need to stop misspelling Things bears love Six reasons bacon is better than true love 7 reasons to keep your tyrannosaur off crack cocaine 4 reasons to carry a shovel at all times How to ride a pony! Seventeen things worth knowing about your cat The motherf**king Pterodactyl (note the middle finger. total class.) I love The Oatmeal. I've been a fan of his website for a while. I've regularly gone there to laugh obnoxiously. So this book was just a huge win. I love it. so. much. I love the way he does his cartoons. I love the look of them. They are so colourful and clear. He has his own recognizable style and I adore it to pieces. I love this humour. It's just random and genius. There are three online comics I love: The Oatmeal at http://theoatmeal.com/ Cyanide and Happiness at http://www.explosm.net/ Hyperbole and a Half at http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ So yes. I recommend this to anyone with a sense of humour. This makes me laugh like an idiot. Just uncontrollable laughter. Especially when it's something you can relate to, like some of the comics about airplanes or evil printers. Then there are comics where you actually learn about something, like the ones with facts about cats, coffee, beer and cheese. Also, there were lessons about grammar(which I'm sure I didn't learn much about as my brain shuts down a little when someone talks about grammar). Read it. READ IT READ IT READ IT. Or at least check out his website and be prepared to spend a few hours laughing.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Alisha

    Quick Take: Freaking. Hilarious. Review: Where has The Oatmeal been all my life? Until recently, I've not been familiar with this seasoned web-designer-turned indie web-comic creator. It seems the man's found his calling; whereas he was once dealing with all manner of crap in his one-time profession, he's now turning the laughably unfortunate situations in to plain laughable ones. 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth is a compilation of comic strips, some originating from the author' Quick Take: Freaking. Hilarious. Review: Where has The Oatmeal been all my life? Until recently, I've not been familiar with this seasoned web-designer-turned indie web-comic creator. It seems the man's found his calling; whereas he was once dealing with all manner of crap in his one-time profession, he's now turning the laughably unfortunate situations in to plain laughable ones. 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth is a compilation of comic strips, some originating from the author's website and others created specifically for the publication. Whether you'll find the content funny certainly depends on your preferred brand of humor. This book's got irreverence and a healthy dose of misanthropy. The Oatmeal knows how to turn life experiences into bite-sized bits of hilarity. Sometimes you'll laugh at the absurdity of situations. At others, you'll laugh because of the truth lining the commentary. The visual style, however, is pure caricature, and fits perfectly with the kooky tone of the content. The book features such classic themes as: "Why It's Better To Pretend You Don't Know Anything About Computers" "8 Ways To Tell If Your Loved Ones Plan To Eat You" "The Ten Types of High Fives" "How to NOT Sell Something to my Generation" "14 Things Worth Knowing About Cheese" (my personal favorite!) As a big fan of situational humor, I enjoyed the content immensely; I'll definitely be gifting copies to my friends come Christmastime. ^_^ If you like Stephen Colbert, Justin Halpern, or The Onion, this book should be right up your alley.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Sumit Singla

    Are you offended easily? Do you have a crap sense of humour? Do people have to use flowcharts and diagrams to explain jokes to you? Do you have a really poor self-image? If you've answered 'YES' to even one of these questions, I beg you, don't read this book! Otherwise, you're very likely to undergo spontaneous combustion with all the heat you generate deep inside while being burnt to cinders. I've been a fan of The Oatmeal for a long time now, and this compilation is a laugh a minute (provided yo Are you offended easily? Do you have a crap sense of humour? Do people have to use flowcharts and diagrams to explain jokes to you? Do you have a really poor self-image? If you've answered 'YES' to even one of these questions, I beg you, don't read this book! Otherwise, you're very likely to undergo spontaneous combustion with all the heat you generate deep inside while being burnt to cinders. I've been a fan of The Oatmeal for a long time now, and this compilation is a laugh a minute (provided you have a fantastic sense of humour like I do). Some of the gems included here are (along with my wisecrackscomments in parentheses): 5 reasons pigs are more awesome than you (Yeah, who would've THUNK it right? Oink oink!) 5 reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth (Next time I see one, it's going to have me going Muhammad Ali on its ass!) How the male angler fish gets completely screwed (Not a male-dominated society after all, eh?) Ten words you need to stop misspelling (Seriously, it's annoying bro! Get 'em right, please) Things bears love Six reasons bacon is better than true love (Gah, I'm a vegetarian! HELLLPPPPP!!!) 7 reasons to keep your tyrannosaur off crack cocaine (I'm totally stashing my supplies in a secure place right after typing out this review.) 4 reasons to carry a shovel at all times (Next time I go anywhere, I'm totally carrying one! Can I get a small, foldable on Amazon?) How to ride a pony! (Do they have guides on cows as well? Are the steps the same?) Seventeen things worth knowing about your cat (Stop looking at me, kitty! I know ALL there is to know about you.) The motherf**king Pterodactyl (Haha, dude go away! You're extinct!)

  9. 4 out of 5

    Trudi

    I had never heard of The Oatmeal until some GR friends started reviewing this book. With my ignorance finally rectified, I gleefully dived into this giant heap of hilarity. Now I feel it's my turn to spread the word about its awesome contents (and parent website). One of my favorites is Why I Believe Printers Were Sent From Hell to Make us Miserable. This comic is added as a pull-out poster and is worth dropping the cash to own a copy. How many late nights and very early mornings have I been thr I had never heard of The Oatmeal until some GR friends started reviewing this book. With my ignorance finally rectified, I gleefully dived into this giant heap of hilarity. Now I feel it's my turn to spread the word about its awesome contents (and parent website). One of my favorites is Why I Believe Printers Were Sent From Hell to Make us Miserable. This comic is added as a pull-out poster and is worth dropping the cash to own a copy. How many late nights and very early mornings have I been through "the printer trials from Hell" with my boyfriend as he pleads with the demon to give up its goods? Pleading turns to cajoling, which turns to cursing, which turns to screaming, which turns to threats of throwing the damnable machine right out the window (which thankfully hasn't happened yet). He's shown infinite patience, and has tolerated the extortionist prices for new printer cartridges, but alas, the vile, demonic gadget continues to break his heart. I love the brutal honesty and cheekiness of many of these comics. They're not all home runs, but the diamonds do sparkle and shine. The best part is their diversity: no matter your humorous bent you are bound to find something that appeals and resonates. Highly recommended! Oh, and for cat lovers? Don't miss these to die-for gems. I laughed so hard at a few of these they hurt me :) :)

  10. 5 out of 5

    Becky

    Here are 5 words about this book: 1) Hilarious 2) Awesome 3) Learny 4) Read 5) This OK, so #4 and #5 are cheating, but still. And #3... well. Let's just say this ain't gonna be approved for use in classrooms any time soon... Or IS IT? O_O I've been a fan of The Oatmeal for a while now, and seriously, some of the stuff Mickel Inderman comes up with makes me cry tears of laughter and gasp for air while I sound like an asthmatic something that wheezes for air. So of course, I had to read this. And since Here are 5 words about this book: 1) Hilarious 2) Awesome 3) Learny 4) Read 5) This OK, so #4 and #5 are cheating, but still. And #3... well. Let's just say this ain't gonna be approved for use in classrooms any time soon... Or IS IT? O_O I've been a fan of The Oatmeal for a while now, and seriously, some of the stuff Mickel Inderman comes up with makes me cry tears of laughter and gasp for air while I sound like an asthmatic something that wheezes for air. So of course, I had to read this. And since I'm a fan of the guy and wanted to support him, I paid full price for it. $14.99 for about an hour of reading. But lots of LOLz, which makes it worth it! :D This book contains one of my favorite comics evar: Why I Would Rather Be Punched In the Testicles Than Call Customer Service. But I had to drop it a star because it did NOT contain my other favorite: Why I Don't Cook At Home. Although there are so many more that have Almost-Favorite status and were also left out of the book. HMPH! Anyway, Good stuff, and the drawings make me giggle almost as much as the off the wall things that Mr. Oatmeal thinks of. I wish I was 1/100th as awesome as he apparently must be. *sigh* I'll just caress the book and try to absorb some latent awesomeness residue from that.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Bonnie

    I love theoatmeal.com. Makes the long days stuck in cubicle hell much more bearable. If you've never heard of theoatmeal.com then you must be living under a rock. Fix this pronto. As for this book? I would have to call it the most hilarious book I've read this year. Yay for The Oatmeal.

  12. 5 out of 5

    ***Dave Hill

    Matt Inman's Oatmeal comic is alternates between being coffee-out-the-nose funny and "I see where he was going with that, but it just doesn't do anything for me" (e.g., the titular Dolphin strip). The humor is often bloody, disgusting, scatological, and frequently absurd, but also regularly imaginative and well-focused on stuff that bugs almost everyone. The worst strips make you want to sandpaper your brain. The best strips are the ones that you immediately want a mug, t-shirt, and wall poster Matt Inman's Oatmeal comic is alternates between being coffee-out-the-nose funny and "I see where he was going with that, but it just doesn't do anything for me" (e.g., the titular Dolphin strip). The humor is often bloody, disgusting, scatological, and frequently absurd, but also regularly imaginative and well-focused on stuff that bugs almost everyone. The worst strips make you want to sandpaper your brain. The best strips are the ones that you immediately want a mug, t-shirt, and wall poster of. Collected together like this, vs. reading it online, highlights those peaks and valleys. There are enough peaks, though, that I'm willing to (a) buy the next book when it eventually comes out, and (b) read the Oatmeal regularly, even though its RSS feed requires a click-through to the site.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Anzu The Great Destroyer

    Why would anyone punch a dolphin in the face? That’s the main reason why I bought this book. I need answers! Many many answers to stack in my answer box and hide it in my secret chamber. These answers will make me rule the world one day! Mark my words! As always, The Oatmeal offers a great variety of comics that will make you fall off the chair, roll ten times on the carpet then probably suffer a heart attack and die. Yes, they’re THAT good. From Canadian pets to peeing like a champ, sucking at F Why would anyone punch a dolphin in the face? That’s the main reason why I bought this book. I need answers! Many many answers to stack in my answer box and hide it in my secret chamber. These answers will make me rule the world one day! Mark my words! As always, The Oatmeal offers a great variety of comics that will make you fall off the chair, roll ten times on the carpet then probably suffer a heart attack and die. Yes, they’re THAT good. From Canadian pets to peeing like a champ, sucking at Facebook, failed hugs and preparing your pets for war. All these essential things are stacked up and ready to be discovered only by the brightest minds on the planet. So if you have brains and eyes (hands are optional) put them to good use! P.S. I will quote the book in order to make myself clear: I hope you like it. If not, I hope a large meteor finds its way across the universe and smashes directly into your crotch while you sleep. Hugs and kisses! P.P.S. Remember folks: RABIES NOT BABIES BABAY!

  14. 4 out of 5

    Eric

    I love The Oatmeal internet comic. That is why I bought the book -- I wanted to support whoever is behind these hysterical comics. However, in all honesty, I cannot recommend this book to anyone, except maybe the most hardcore fan of The Oatmeal. Maybe. The material just doesn't translate well to the printed page. Part of it is that it is printed smaller and laid out across multiple pages instead of on a single, larger web page. Part of it is the inability to share it by forwarding it or posting I love The Oatmeal internet comic. That is why I bought the book -- I wanted to support whoever is behind these hysterical comics. However, in all honesty, I cannot recommend this book to anyone, except maybe the most hardcore fan of The Oatmeal. Maybe. The material just doesn't translate well to the printed page. Part of it is that it is printed smaller and laid out across multiple pages instead of on a single, larger web page. Part of it is the inability to share it by forwarding it or posting it to Facebook. And part of it is that it is not organized in any cohesive way -- a lot of Oatmeal comics deal with grammar and language, and a lot of others deal with technology, but they aren't grouped together -- with no table of contents to make finding a favorite comic possible.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Justin

    Where do I even begin with this book? My mind was blown and I don't think I have ever laughed my ass off more over any book then this one. Sure some of it is totally ridiculous but that's what makes it funny. Have you ever wanted to know why bacon is better then true love? How to tell if your loved ones plan on eating you? How to suck at facebook? Why you should keep a Canadian as a pet perhaps? How to pee like a champ, to fight off a crack whore or how to ride a pony? If your like me you said ye Where do I even begin with this book? My mind was blown and I don't think I have ever laughed my ass off more over any book then this one. Sure some of it is totally ridiculous but that's what makes it funny. Have you ever wanted to know why bacon is better then true love? How to tell if your loved ones plan on eating you? How to suck at facebook? Why you should keep a Canadian as a pet perhaps? How to pee like a champ, to fight off a crack whore or how to ride a pony? If your like me you said yes to every one of these except maybe the facebook one but you know someone who does. With that being said, go pick up a copy of this book. You'll laugh, you'll learn and you will feel rainbows wanting to come out of your backside, it's that good!

  16. 5 out of 5

    Nefariousbig

    This was hilariously hilarious. I have some images to share but I'm a lazy bastard and I'd have to put my beer down, walk all the way to the scanner which is in the other room, and I don't want to get out of my cozy bed, so I'll just do it later.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Jessica-Robyn

    The Oatmeal is one of the most recognizable names in comics on the web. Everyone, and I mean everyone, who has ever turned on a computer and gone online has likely read one of Matthew Inman's comics. Being one of those people who have read the odd viral comic here or there I figured I should check out one of his books and see what was offered offline. I feel I should start by saying that in the past I have enjoyed Inman's work, particularly the educationally bent comics, but I didn't enjoy this b The Oatmeal is one of the most recognizable names in comics on the web. Everyone, and I mean everyone, who has ever turned on a computer and gone online has likely read one of Matthew Inman's comics. Being one of those people who have read the odd viral comic here or there I figured I should check out one of his books and see what was offered offline. I feel I should start by saying that in the past I have enjoyed Inman's work, particularly the educationally bent comics, but I didn't enjoy this book. Inman's sense of humor is very hit or miss for me. There were a lot of times that I laughed out loud while reading, but those times were often immediately counteracted by a painful silence. (The word "whore" has never really bothered me before, but my god its use managed to bother me here.) The other determining factor in my appreciation for this book was the fact that I had read and enjoyed many of the best comics in this book previously. The comics featured were ones that we would all likely recognize. It took away some of the punch because I ended up skimming the best ones and get stuck in the worst ones. In web form I have the ability to pick and choose the genre of comic that I want to read, but in book form you're just along for the ride. On the other hand though, on the list of positives is the art. Inman's style is always visually interesting and the printing of the book had some of the best colouring I have ever seen. I use the word vivid a lot when I talk about the colouring in graphic novels, but here it really had a way of drawing your eye. The quality is top notch! I really went into this book expecting that I would come away with a passing enjoyment. Especially because of all the good things I've heard about it, but I don't know, it just didn't work for me. Maybe I've matured, maybe I've exposed myself to so many other great comics that the content of this book feels dated, maybe I just don't find poop jokes funny anymore. I don't know what to tell ya, but I wish I had passed on reading this one.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Kristina

    If you’re feeling cranky or bummed out, may I suggest a very funny book? 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and Other Useful Guides) is great reading. Try not to ingest it all in one big gulp, however, or you may laughter-snort yourself into a headache. The Oatmeal has been around since 2009 (according to The Oatmeal’s bio in this book) and he’s genius. This is the first book he wrote; it includes comics from his website (theoatmeal.com) plus new comics he drew just for the boo If you’re feeling cranky or bummed out, may I suggest a very funny book? 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and Other Useful Guides) is great reading. Try not to ingest it all in one big gulp, however, or you may laughter-snort yourself into a headache. The Oatmeal has been around since 2009 (according to The Oatmeal’s bio in this book) and he’s genius. This is the first book he wrote; it includes comics from his website (theoatmeal.com) plus new comics he drew just for the book. I’ve been reading The Oatmeal for quite a while and enjoy his irreverent, funny, and sometimes seriously off-the-wall bonkers humor. Not only is this book funny, but I learned things. I learned about the different kinds of espresso, a little bit of beer history and the brewing process and some seriously fucked-up weird shit about angler fish (“How the Male Angler Fish Gets Completely Screwed”). The Oatmeal (real name: Matt Inman) also provides helpful grammar, spelling and punctuation guidelines (unsure of how to use the semicolon? The Oatmeal helps!). Having just gotten off an airplane, I very much enjoyed “The 8 Phases of Flying” and “The 7 Types of Crappy Airline Passengers.” Coinciding with the annual Easter holiday I don’t celebrate is this delight: “4 Reasons the Easter Bunny is a Giant Asshole.” But I also recommend: “Why I’d Rather Be Punched in the Testicles than Call Customer Service,” “10 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at all Times,” and last (but certainly not least): “Yes, I Am the Motherfuckin’ Pterodactyl Here to Ptero-you a New Asshole.” My husband, who is a good husband and bought this for me, also enjoyed it; he particularly liked the advice of this comic: “How to Pee Like a Champ.” Apparently, he’s been doing it wrong all this time. In conclusion, I highly recommend this book and anything else by The Oatmeal. He’s educational and delightful.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Liviania

    Okay, I often don't talk about what format I read a book in. I read the epub version of 5 VERY GOOD REASONS TO PUNCH A DOLPHIN IN THE MOUTH, which is relevant because the resolution wasn't all that awesome. You couldn't really zoom, which meant some bits were almost impossible to read. Judging by the reviews on Amazon, that hasn't been fixed. So printed is the way to go. Not that I expect many people to be more interested in the e-version of this. It's easier to browse through the random comics Okay, I often don't talk about what format I read a book in. I read the epub version of 5 VERY GOOD REASONS TO PUNCH A DOLPHIN IN THE MOUTH, which is relevant because the resolution wasn't all that awesome. You couldn't really zoom, which meant some bits were almost impossible to read. Judging by the reviews on Amazon, that hasn't been fixed. So printed is the way to go. Not that I expect many people to be more interested in the e-version of this. It's easier to browse through the random comics with a book or on the site than in an ebook. I was excited for 5 VERY GOOD REASONS TO PUNCH A DOLPHIN IN THE MOUTH because I'm a big fan of the Oatmeal, author Matthew Inman's humor site. There are great infographics about such things as grammar, vocabulary, cheese, and coffee. There are also fun quizzes and some delightfully surreal comics, such as the eponymous work. It's nice to have some favorites collected and at hand. At the same time, when idly browsing on the internet I never noticed how often Inman jokes about hookers. Not particularly good jokes, either. It got kind of uncomfortable after awhile. Between being underwhelmed by the format and overwhelmed by (dead) hooker jokes, I was less impressed by 5 VERY GOOD REASONS TO PUNCH A DOLPHIN IN THE MOUTH. I'll continue to check the website, but I don't think I'm going to purchase the book for myself or as a gift for friends.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Annie

    I loved this book so much. I really do not even know where to start. The graphics in the book are beautiful. They look even better than they do online. The book also came with a pull out poster "Why I believe printers were sent from hell". I could not agree more. I have never met a printer I liked, even in the slightest. They are all a ginormous pain in the ass. My favorite section of the book was "Why it's better to pretend you don't know anything about computers". This whole comic was a visual I loved this book so much. I really do not even know where to start. The graphics in the book are beautiful. They look even better than they do online. The book also came with a pull out poster "Why I believe printers were sent from hell". I could not agree more. I have never met a printer I liked, even in the slightest. They are all a ginormous pain in the ass. My favorite section of the book was "Why it's better to pretend you don't know anything about computers". This whole comic was a visual representation of my life. His humor will sometimes catch you off guard, but will still leave you in stitches. I loved the comic "How to make a totally awsumm!!! movie trailer". I never really thought about it, but they all do follow the same basic format. What makes this book golden is the brutal honesty that is behind most of it, like the 'splash factor' of a porta-potty. No one talks about it, but we have all thought about it LOL. And last but not least, thank you, Oatmeal for giving me a visual on what a caffeine high feels like. I know the glorious-ness that is the caffeine high and have them often, but now I have a picture to go along with it :)

  21. 4 out of 5

    Travelling Sunny

    I didn't find this quite as funny as Allie Brosh's material, but there were some real gems in here. Some of the ones that tickled me: The 9 Types of Crappy Handshakes: "The Bone Crusher", "The Politician", "The Misfire", "The Limp, Dead Fish", "The Never-Let-Go", "The Hipster", "The Close Shaker", "Sweaty McSweaterson", and my personal favorite, "The Airball". Ten Words You Need To Stop Misspelling How to Use a Semicolon: The Most Feared Punctuation on Earth Why I'd Rather Be Punched In the Testicle I didn't find this quite as funny as Allie Brosh's material, but there were some real gems in here. Some of the ones that tickled me: The 9 Types of Crappy Handshakes: "The Bone Crusher", "The Politician", "The Misfire", "The Limp, Dead Fish", "The Never-Let-Go", "The Hipster", "The Close Shaker", "Sweaty McSweaterson", and my personal favorite, "The Airball". Ten Words You Need To Stop Misspelling How to Use a Semicolon: The Most Feared Punctuation on Earth Why I'd Rather Be Punched In the Testicles Than Call Customer Service Sadly, 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth was NOT one of the ones that tickled me.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Michelle Hoogterp

    There are some absolutely hilarious bits in this collection. I fell in love with "Bearcuts" and "8 ways to tell if your loved ones plan to eat you." There are plenty of humourous shorts in here along with some great one-liners such as "once we hit 50,000 feet he screams like the nazgul" (woman to seat partners on an airplane regarding her baby.) This is an amusing way to pass a few hours, so go find this book and learn the 6 ways to fight a crack whore. There are also some educational bits in re There are some absolutely hilarious bits in this collection. I fell in love with "Bearcuts" and "8 ways to tell if your loved ones plan to eat you." There are plenty of humourous shorts in here along with some great one-liners such as "once we hit 50,000 feet he screams like the nazgul" (woman to seat partners on an airplane regarding her baby.) This is an amusing way to pass a few hours, so go find this book and learn the 6 ways to fight a crack whore. There are also some educational bits in regards to grammar and spelling--think of it like School House Rocks on a snort of coke. This is really a great purchase for public libraries!

  23. 4 out of 5

    James

    As a big fan of his online strips – I even have an Oatmeal coffee mug – I wondered what his first book would be like and downloaded a sample. The answer was: crappy. Like comic books, the works of the Oatmeal do not translate well to the monochromatic and size restricted screen of the Kindle. I never downloaded the rest of the book, I may not even have finished the sample. Obviously this review is unfair, I'm reviewing a format for which the book is wholly unsuited. But he has chosen to make it As a big fan of his online strips – I even have an Oatmeal coffee mug – I wondered what his first book would be like and downloaded a sample. The answer was: crappy. Like comic books, the works of the Oatmeal do not translate well to the monochromatic and size restricted screen of the Kindle. I never downloaded the rest of the book, I may not even have finished the sample. Obviously this review is unfair, I'm reviewing a format for which the book is wholly unsuited. But he has chosen to make it available that format and I've chosen not to buy it in that format.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Brianna

    I read this one last night and I loved it (even more than the first one that I read, How To Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You)! This one is a bit more inappropriate/sketchy, but I kind of just skipped over the (few) ones that I wasn't interested in and devoured everything else. Also, the grammar lessons were pretty great :') :')

  25. 4 out of 5

    Caroline

    It's been one of those weeks where I've had a hard time concentrating on reading much of anything, so this was a fun brain break. And, hey, I totally learned the disturbing truth of angler fish reproduction... Thanks for the lifetime scars on that one, Oatmeal.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Angie

    I completely loved this book. The topics, words and illustrations are all hilarious. I could, and probably will read this over and over. I recommend this book to anyone looking for a laugh.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Janice

    I love the Oatmeal, usually, but why are there so many "dead hooker" jokes in this book?

  28. 5 out of 5

    Stephanie Graves

    The brilliance that was to later come from The Oatmeal is in evidence here.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Ana Mardoll

    5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth / 978-1-449-40116-0 I've been a big fan of "The Oatmeal" online comics ever since a friend sent me the links to the hilarious "How To Use a Semicolon" and "10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling" comics. I loved the quirky combination of zany humor, rough sketching, useful factoids, and utter randomness that the site had on display, and quickly got hooked on the many and varied fun comics featured there. I love printed compilations of online comic 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth / 978-1-449-40116-0 I've been a big fan of "The Oatmeal" online comics ever since a friend sent me the links to the hilarious "How To Use a Semicolon" and "10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling" comics. I loved the quirky combination of zany humor, rough sketching, useful factoids, and utter randomness that the site had on display, and quickly got hooked on the many and varied fun comics featured there. I love printed compilations of online comics, probably because of the combination of reassuring permanency (the site may go down, but I'll always have my copy!) and the allure of more bathroom reading material, so I was excited to see this compilation of comics from "The Oatmeal". For the most part, this book is simply a compilation (only reoriented for book formatting rather than online formatting) of all the comics on "The Oatmeal" site, although there is some new material included here so that long-time fans have something extra to get excited about. Note that this compilation *only* contains the "comics", and not the longer articles - I was a little sad to see that the "Why We Should Be Eating Horses Instead of Riding Them", "How Twilight Works", and "How to Deal With an Obnoxious Moviegoer" articles are not included here (and if you haven't read them online, do so now!). This book isn't going to appeal to everyone: there's a broad range here from the entertaining-yet-informative panels explaining cheese, cats, coffee, and caffeine to randomly-silly-and-potentially-offensive comics such as "6 Ways to Fight a Crack Whore". Still, if you're willing to overlook the occasional "miss" (according to your own personal tastes), you're sure to find plenty of "hits" here. If descriptions like a baby on an airplane "screaming like a Nazgul" tickle you, check out the wonderful comics online at "The Oatmeal" and consider buying this excellent compilation piece. NOTE: This review is based on a free Advance Review Copy of this book provided through NetGalley. ~ Ana Mardoll

  30. 4 out of 5

    Deborah Markus

    I already loved The Oatmeal; I already loved this book when, about 3/4 of the way through, I got to "The 7 Types of Crappy Pedestrians." And that's when I learned that Matthew Inman and I are soul mates. Okay, that's when I learned that I'm not the only one who flips out when people walk like idiots. I don't mean like they just graduated from the Academy of Silly Walks; I mean they step out into the middle of a busy street during rush hour without checking, usually carrying a cup of hot coffee t I already loved The Oatmeal; I already loved this book when, about 3/4 of the way through, I got to "The 7 Types of Crappy Pedestrians." And that's when I learned that Matthew Inman and I are soul mates. Okay, that's when I learned that I'm not the only one who flips out when people walk like idiots. I don't mean like they just graduated from the Academy of Silly Walks; I mean they step out into the middle of a busy street during rush hour without checking, usually carrying a cup of hot coffee that they apparently quite literally care more about than life itself. Or carrying a baby whom they apparently don't care about at all. They heard somewhere that "pedestrians always have the right of way," and that's all they know and all they need to know. Oh, and they *saunter.* (*God*, I hate saunterers.) These, by the way, are usually the same people who make life such a joy for those of us who have to share a sidewalk with them. They're the ones Inman describes as "The Stop-and-Goers" (people who take up the whole sidewalk and stop for lame reasons, making you spend your whole errand trying desperately not to bump into them) or "The Text Messengers" (the ones who can't stop sending and receiving messages while they walk and act as one-person obstacle courses for anyone lucky enough to be going in the same direction). There are other terrifically funny comics in this collection as well. But this one made me really happy, because now I know *I'm not the only control-freak pedestrian out there*.

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